Ahmadinejad Speech Causes “International Offence”… December 29, 2008
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Here’s an opening line for you if you’re ever asked to be best man…
I’m not much of a speaker but…at least I’m not Mahmoud Ahmadinejad…
Imagine All The Peop…laaa, Screw It… December 29, 2008
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A homeless drunk threw a stone at my house last night, so, naturally, I beat him to death with a baseball bat.
There’s a time for calm, and there’s a time for behaving like a brutal dick.
Update: Actually, this may have been the worst post written on this blog (or, at least, among the worst two). The real victims wouldn’t be doing the throwing, and, while Hamas’s rockets aren’t a serious threat to Israel at large, they’re pretty horrible to be on the wrong end of. I regret it, and it’s stupid to refer states/peoples/societies so broadly. Sorry.The Iraq War Is Indefensible… December 25, 2008
Posted by bensix in Iraq.2 comments
In his latest SOS distress call Michael Gove does something pretty extraordinary: he doesn’t just try to polish a turd, he displays the wretched thing with pride and demands that we admire it…
“The liberation of Iraq has been that rarest of things – a proper British foreign policy success.”
There are a few flimsy justifications for the invasion. One claims that if, over the next decades, Iraq does become a secular, liberal democracy the whole thing will be justified from a consequentialist viewpoint. This can be safely bracketed beside the classic “if I dig long enough I’ll pop out on the other side of the world” theory.
The arguments that Gove employs have even less nuance, but do show something interesting. However it’s been minimised or ‘rationalised’ – including, I’m ashamed to say, by myself – the Iraq War appears to be indefensible. I can’t find an argument suggests that it was an entirely meritous decision, that isn’t limp, fallacious or entirely worthy of a facepalm.
In our obfuscating, contrarian world that seems kind of odd, but the sheer shittiness of Gove’s arguments wholly support that view…
“You Wouldn’t Want That Nasty Mr Hussein Back, Would You…”
“Sunni and Shia contend for power in parliament, not in street battles. The ingenuity, idealism and intelligence of the Iraqi people can now find an outlet in a free society rather than being deployed, as they were for decades, simply to ensure survival in a fascist republic that stank of fear.”
A republic of fear, eh? That’s, er, original.
“There was no security worth the name, with lives, literally, at Saddam’s disposal – the only freedom from his police state was the release which death brought.”
The problem with this argument is that, as the figures support an opposing view, one is wholly reliant upon rhetorical bluster. Since the initiation of the war up to 1.2 million people have died violently*, while over 4.7 million have been forced to leave their homes.
Meanwhile, the values that apologists and interventionists rightly hold dear haven’t found a hold. While women’s rights had degenerated following the first Gulf War, they’ve only worsened post-invasion…
“Iraqi women are enduring unprecedented levels of assault in the public sphere, “honor killings,” torture in detention, and other forms of gender-based violence. Women are not only being targeted because they are members of the civilian population. Women—in particular those who are perceived to pose a challenge to the political project of their attackers—have increasingly been targeted because they are women.”
And while gay rights had come under increasing attack from Hussein’s regime, life was never as hideous as it’s now become…
“What is happening today in Iraq is one of the most organised and systematic sexual cleansings in the history of the world. Attacks have escalated into unprecedented levels of homophobic violence, including targeted assassinations. The United Nations Assistance Mission in Iraq (UNAMI) has recently, for the first time, confirmed that there are organised campaigns to kill gays in Iraq. These killings are taking place on the order of Iraq’s Shia leaders. The UNAMI Human Rights Office recently reported that it was ‘alerted to the existence of religious courts, supervised by clerics, where alleged homosexuals would be ‘tried,’ ’sentenced’ to death, and then executed.”
Still, Gove has one final, killer blow…
“Saddam was a sponsor of terror and was manoeuvring, with French and Russian help, to dismantle the sanctions regime that had held him in place since the invasion of Kuwait.”
Yup, it were the Frogs and Russkies. Nice going, Michael.
How About That Surge, Eh? Phwoooah!
Apologists for the war and the ideological baggage swinging about therein cling to the “Surge” like a comfort blanket…
“For the Bush Administration it meant a little positive PR, for the neocons it was a fine demonstration of the healing might of America military power, while for decentist ostriches such as, at one time, myself, it gave hope to the wildly utopian notion of establishing secular democracy wherever one sees fit.”
Gove does slightly better than most in praising the initial Awakenings Councils, albeit indirectly. Still, he can’t repress his desire to slobber over the Christ-like visage of General Patraeus…
“Petraeus showed an admirable capacity to learn from previous reverses and has established himself as the world’s leading expert in counter-insurgency warfare. The myth of the American army as a collection of rednecks in body armour – the cast of the Dukes of Hazzard in the costumes of the stormtroopers from Star Wars – should now be laid to rest by Petraeus’s success.
The deserved winner of Prospect Magazine’s award for intellectual of the year, Petraeus is a reminder of the fatal folly of underestimating America.”
This is the sort of rhetorical lift music that Petraeus’s supporters prefer to repeat. After all, ethnic cleansing and ghettoisation in Baghdad, the temporary ceasefire of the Mehdi Army and the paid gangsters who’ll take up their guns if they don’t get their cheques make things that little bit more complicated to explain.
THE ULTIMATE SHOE THROWER GAMBIT
It’s true: if you throw a show at a figure of authority you’re less likely to be killed. Have a fucking lollipop.
Get To The Point And Stop Pretending You Have Any Semblance Of Superiority Over This Worthless Koala Bear
Sorry.
Gove’s piece is an extreme example of the kind of gas that runs through commentary on Iraq. The “rationalisation” of the catastrophe can reduce it to a series of hazy speculations, out of which any interpretation can be drawn.
To avoid this, any exploration of the subject should root itself in the filthiest details of the occupation. Thus, one can establish that the UK and US can’t merely progress from Iraq, but must progress in the knowledge that such actions should never be repeated.
* I’ve got about as much skill with statistics as I have with nuclear physics or the piano. Even if it’s substantially lower than this it’ll be in the hundreds of thousands.
President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad To Give Channel 4’s Christmas Message… December 24, 2008
Posted by bensix in Pottering.3 comments
“Cutting off the edges of cutting-edge tv,
it’s here to tell you you’re ugly in cleverer ways than ITV,
it’s here to tell you it doesn’t quite know what you should be today,
it’s here to offer you Jimmy Carr to find a better way.
It’s here to over-theorise and intellectualise pop trash,
it’s only really here to make itself some cash,
it’s here because we want it. It’s here because we’re bored.
It’s so “Well Marketed”
It’s so “Us”
It’s so “Channel” “4” !And don’t forget, week nights at half-past eleven
is Graham Norton’s new show “Graham’s About” -
the concept is similar to the much-hated show
”Beadle’s About”
but with a gay presenter.
Now that’s progressive TV programming…”- From “Channel” “4″ by Luke Wright
Adrian Mitchell RIP December 20, 2008
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I was very sorry to read of Adrian Mitchell’s death.
A lot of contemporary poetry (he proclaimed, loftily) feels a bit contrived – the metaphors winking and nudgingly clever and the themes desperately searching for a vein. Mitchell’s – which I’ve only recently had the chance to read – often seems to have a greater quality, a peculiar sincerity. Below is To Whom It May Concern, which, I think, demonstrates that a few lines can tell you more than all the sterile op-eds in this curious world.
I was run over by the truth one day.
Ever since the accident I’ve walked this way
So stick my legs in plaster
Tell me lies about Vietnam.Heard the alarm clock screaming with pain,
Couldn’t find myself so I went back to sleep again
So fill my ears with silver
Stick my legs in plaster
Tell me lies about Vietnam.Every time I shut my eyes all I see is flames
Made a marble phone book and I carved all the names
So coat my eyes with butter
Fill my ears with silver
Stick my legs in plaster
Tell me lies about Vietnam.I smell something burning, hope it’s just my brains.
They’re only dropping peppermints and daisy-chains
So stuff my nose with garlic
Coat my eyes with butter
Fill my ears with silver
Stick my legs in plaster
Tell me lies about Vietnam.Where were you at the time of the crime?
Down by the Cenotaph drinking slime
So chain my tongue with whisky
Stuff my nose with garlic
Coat my eyes with butter
Fill my ears with silver
Stick my legs in plaster
Tell me lies about Vietnam.You put your bombers in, you put your conscience out,
You take the human being and you twist it all about
So scrub my skin with women,
Chain my tongue with whisky
Stuff my nose with garlic
Coat my eyes with butter
Fill my ears with silver
Stick my legs in plaster
Tell me lies about Vietnam.
A tip of the hat to Michael Rosen (another great poet, as anyone who spent a good deal of their childhood listening to a battered tape of You Wait Till I’m Older Than You can testify).
The Harder We Push, The Quicker We Get There… December 20, 2008
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I’m sorry that I haven’t been posting properly. In due time, I’ll continue my forward march up my own posterior, but at the moment I can’t write anything that I could imagine anyone wanting to read. Naturally, I’ll heavily insinuate that this is due to my being awesomely humble, but, then, it also suggests that I find everything I’ve previously posted eminently worth slavering over.
In the meantime, this – from Craig Murray – is certainly worth considering…
“Your chance to shout “I’m Spartacus!” Volunteers are wanted to post a PDF of “The Catholic Orangemen of Togo” on 12 January. UK volunteers are very welcome, but as many jurisdictions as possible are helpful.
The downside is that you may have your collar felt by Schillings, and be disliked by some rather unfriendly mercenaries. OK, that’s a big downside. The upside is that you’ll get to read the book before everybody else.
Volunteers please email athollpublishing@googlemail.com
If you don’t have the facility to host the PDF, be ready to post a link to one on the day.”
Support The Israeli Conscientious Objectors… December 18, 2008
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The whole idea of military service is disgusting. At such a young age, with relatively little emotional experience, one becomes accustomed to an unquestioning obedience to the state, and a very militaristic form of patriotism that “is able to crush the gentle and the compassionate“.
Incidentally, the thought that, had I lived in Israel, I’d be forced to join the armed forces in less than year is about as appealing as a mallard’s funeral. I don’t know whether I’d be as brave or principled as these guys, but for a moment…just a fleeting second…I did feel grateful for having UCAS…
If Richard Littlejohn Was A Plumber, He’d Connect Your Pipes To The Sewage Plant And Blame It On The Council… December 17, 2008
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“The Guardian yesterday devoted three pages to an ‘exclusive’ puff for the Taliban.
My, Richard, how do you know that…
“Some historians claim that the name derives simply from the name of the indigenous inhabitants, the Kafiristan Kafiri but the most commonly accepted etymology of the name is that it derives from Land of the Infidels or Land of the Unbelievers, Kafir being a derogatory Persian term for infidels.”
The Similarities Between New Labour And Limp Bizkit Have Been Ignored For Too Long… December 16, 2008
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It’s a shame that tiresome twazzocks jumped onto the ZanuLabour meme, because Nu-Labour would have been much more apt. That cynical careerism; the crass attempts towards popular appeal; the adoption of relevant themes, only to distort them into a nauseating mess.
Still, at least Blair – for all his faults – could play guitar.
For an example of Labour’s Limp Bizkitesque deviousness, see their platitudinous warblings over “humanitarianism”. David Miliband salutes the “brave people“, “fighting to gain tomorrow the democracies that we…are blessed with today“. Gisela Stuart tells us that “most politicians” are motivated by “a feeling that things don’t have to be the way they are and that there is something we can do to make it better“.
And yet, with a genuine humanitarian issue on their hands – so easily solveable that all they have to do is precisely nothing – they get all sociopathic on our asses. Via Neil at The Bleeding Heart Show there’s this…
“A Zimbabwean woman and her two daughters who fled the Mugabe regime are to be deported from Britain despite promises by the Government to protect the country’s citizens
…
Mrs Thulambo and her daughters Valerie, 20, and Lorraine, 18, have spent eight years in the UK. Mrs Thulambo’s Cambridge-educated husband, Macca, was killed for his links to opposition leader Morgan Tsvangirai. His widow tried to leave Zimbabwe but was arrested at the airport, and later tortured and raped.”
Would anyone with even a modicum of compassion allow this, or allow the continuation of a system that ensures this?
Incidentally, I can’t stand the sort that would excuse this by whining “but…but…we’re full up“. It’s equivalent to throwing a pensioner over the side of a lifeboat so as to give oneself some legroom.
